Lemonade, lemon cookies, limoncelo

Life has thrown me so many lemons that I've run out of things to make with them! Health issues, work issues, financial issues, death of several friends.... all within January and February. It's been tough. There was a time where I wanted to give up, hide from the world. I could tell how everything going on was affecting my personality and my friendships. I've seen which friends can understand and accept what's going on and are trying to be supportive. I've also now seen which friends are not as great as they appeared to be. It's amazing to me how when times are tough, some things become so much clearer. I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm getting there faster by letting go of the negative thoughts, negative emotions, AND the negative people. Now if only my timing would be better! Lol

An old friend of mine has returned into my life. We have known each other half my life but have not been in contact for several years due to some issues. Well, the issues seem to have been resolved so we've now been in contact for a little over a month. Our first time seeing each other in years was when he came out for my birthday dinner. I was so excited to see him and have my friend back! What I wasn't expecting was the flood of emotions to take over me when he walked through my door. I know that, back in the day, I had feelings for him. We had tried dating but it just didn't work out and so, like I wish for all my guy friends, I had hoped for him to find his happiness. When the issue came about, I was asked to take a step away from our friendship (not by him). So, for his happiness, I did. I have always cared about him and had wondered how he had been doing while we were incommunicado. Although he was happy, the realization came for him that it wasn't true happiness. I would like to be his happiness. Usually, when I first met a guy, I get that initial feeling of infatuation. It takes spending time together 2 or 3 more times got me to get a proper reading on my true feelings for him. With this guy, the more we talk on the phone or dorms time together, the stronger my feelings are for him. He's seen me at my worse and at my best. He was there for me for some of the tough times in my life and had helped me celebrate some of the happier occasions. I wish I could tell him how I feel, how much he means to me, but I can't. He had said to me that he's not at a place in his life right now to start a relationship yet. I don't blame him either. He needs his time for him and I need to be supportive of that. The hardest part in all this is knowing I've been in love with this man for as long as I've known him and knowing that I might have missed my chance with him. If things are meant to be for us, then they will be. I just have to have faith and patience! :-)